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Ripping My Skin Off!


Ever wonder what it has actually felt like to rip your skin off? I used to when I was a teenager and frustrated with myself. I now, however in my adult years get to feel something I seem to think is an equivalent. Constant burning feeling or ripping a scratching of my skin when I wear clothes. Allodynia is a condition that is categorized within fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia is chronic, widespread pain that’s thought to be the result of overactive nerves in the body. You know that disease no one believes is real. Heck, I didn't either until I had my first bout. I had no idea what to think. I had no idea what it was. I thought maybe I might have rubbed up against something and it irritated my skin. At that point my flare ups were very few and far between. Not knowing exactly what it is you keep touching it only making it hurt worse.

I was first diagnosed with Fibromyalgia shortly after my husband deployed to Afghanistan. It was a very stressful time of my life. I had to keep continuing on like it was no big deal. Really.... It was huge! If you have never experienced a deployment it is hard. It is hard for everyone. It is literally like your person died. You don't get to speak to them while they're in transition. I went 3 weeks without hearing anything from my husband. Trying to keep it together since we had two little ones. Both of my girls were under 5 years old at the time. Trying to keep it together for them was stressful. Which I found out quickly my trigger is stress. Well, my first trigger as I now have multiple.Fast forward a few years past my husband's deployment to Afghanistan. I only had a few flare ups over the course of 4 years. I thought maybe it was gone. Out of nowhere it came back and it came back with a vengeance. This time the pain was in my legs making it extremely painful to wear pants and to move. I lived under heating blankets and in HOT baths for a couple days. Then the weekend was up I had to go back to work.

The pain I remember was so horrible that I actually cried. What makes it more difficult is no one truly understood. I was told I should go home since I was making everyone uncomfortable. Also me being in pain trying to work was a distraction for them. However, I had to work. I was out of vacation days and sick days. It is almost impossible to get disability for this disease. Having the stress of someone at work telling me I was a distraction only made it worse. See stress triggers my flare ups. I ended up taking a longer lunch that one day to buy Aleve and a hot pad. I finished my shift and went the rest of the week with the pain.

That is why I asked if any of you have ever wanted to know what it was like to rip your skin off. Well, that's what I have to sadly deal with for the rest of my life. There is no cure. If you know anyone with fibromyalgia or Allodynia please be patient with them. Do not talk to them the way I was talked to. Stress most of the time is all of our triggers. Always offer some emotional support for those with this disease, because we really need it. Our good days would be equivalent to most people's bad days.

If you or someone you know battles with fibromyalgia and or Allodynia and are seeking emotional support or someone to talk to during a flare up you can email me. [email protected]

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Ripping My Skin Off!
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