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I hate it when people assume that mental health isn't a real problem. It is awful and can be just as bad if not worse than physical health problems. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I suffer from severe anxiety and depression, but I also have several physical health problems such as Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), Asthma, lower back pain, possible Urticaria, possible Appendicitis, and many more. You can't see most of those, but they are definitely real. My anxiety is there 24 hours a day, and I can't do anything about it. I am constantly struggling with my mental health, so when my physical health starts playing up I feel so much worse.
I have been in pain since last night. It's the same pain I've had before, on the lower right side of my stomach. Scans keep coming up clear, so no one knows what it is. Yesterday, it felt as though I was being stabbed, so I know there is definitely something wrong. It is a lot worse this time, but I don't think there is any point going to the doctors or hospital.
When I first got this pain a few months ago, I spent a week going in and out of hospital for tests and scans. The only thing they found was that I had a slight infection, but they didn't know what. How can that be? How can I feel so ill and be in so much pain, but no one knows what the actual problem is? It doesn't make any sense. I've had to resort to researching possible conditions myself.
The first thing everyone thought it could have been was appendicitis. The pain was definitely what was being described, but there was no evidence on scans that I had this. I now think it could be ovarian cysts, but scans have not been able to prove this either. I just don't get it.
If it is ovarian cysts, which I am fairly certain it is, then there's nothing that anyone can do for me. The only thing I can do is take painkillers to mask the pain, and just hope that it goes away on its own. It is so annoying that there are certain problems that can't be fixed.
In terms of my mental health, before I started getting this pain I was feeling very emotional. I just kept crying and felt bad about life. I felt hopeless and unmotivated, and then this pain hit. I feel even worse now, because I just haven't got the energy to do anything. I haven't got the motivation to do anything productive, but I so badly want to sort my life out. I want to make things better for myself and for my family, but I can't when I feel like this.
I've been trying to start exercising, going to the gym, or going for walks to help deal with the anxiety, but something always happens. I get this pain in my side, so I can't do anything. It happens the other way around too. I could feel absolutely fine physically, and want to go for a walk, but the anxiety kicks in and I start thinking about everything that could go wrong along the way. It does my head in!!!
I have so much to deal with, mentally and physically, and it just all gets too much sometimes. I just want to scream and shout because I just can't cope. I hate being in pain, I hate feeling like I'm going mad, I just can't win. I hate this feeling!