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This information is a collection from the files of my own mind and learnings...
Hello, I’m Tara, and this is my first writing piece!
All of my life I struggled with my weight. I was plus size and always the one who was larger... I grew up hearing the whispers from peers and friends and family and boys... also I never obtained the usually seen plus size chest. (Bare with this little sidetracked note.) Plus size clothes always have larger breast areas... I cannot roll my eyes hard enough. Also growing up winter clothing options were usually turtle necks covered in cats or Disney characters, so naturally I usually drifted into the boys section to at least find regular T-shirts in my size... bleh. I’m so thankful things changed some in my high school years!
Anyways, I’m a mother of three, and after my third child my weight became even more so of an issue as I had reached the highest weight of my life at 339.8lbs. Things were noticeably changing, like my ability to put on and tie my own shoes, the ability to roll over in bed, achy joints, energy to even stand to take a shower... most of all, the excuses for everything were wearing thin over the undeniable fact that I was at risk of losing my life over my weight. Imagine being the one who dies from being fat... my kids being the kids who lost their mother due to her unhealthy ways or over food, because let’s face the reality of it, people WILL talk and will NOT sugar coat the fact you passed and left your children without a mother from simply overindulging on food. (At least that’s how people who don’t have weight issues sum us up. In reality, it’s the body’s ability to process certain foods!)
I started my journey in 2016 in early April after about seven previous months of denial, excuses, and just battling my self mentally, then another four months trying to figure out how to make a realistic change that I knew I would be/might be capable of. As of December 2017, I’ve lost 138lbs and just so we’re on the same page, that’s the weight of another human being... I’m not bragging, and I’m not proud. I know I should be proud in a way, but I wish I knew never to get to the point where that was even doable... I mean I “KNEW,” don’t get me wrong, but at the same time I think I was still a believer that some miracle quick fix might save me in a flash. I’m pretty sure it was something like that... mixed with numerous other things, lack of belief in myself, lack of self-control, lack of knowledge on how to eat catering to my own personal health and the way my body works, inability to grasp that the future is made up of a series of small things.
Moving forward, I began to realize how many of these small things there really are! And there are a lot, so I’m narrowing this down to the one that really matters to keep you going.
I realize that I had an issue with forgiving myself for my mistakes. This is a pretty big deal with anything in life, I’d say. Once I’d mess up, I’d plain give up. I had come to realize a lot of this had to do with my upbringing. I was never raised to know mistakes are learning tools, it was more like you mess up because (in nicer terms) you’re just not smart. The end. It’s just not your lot in life. I had to really work on rewiring this part of my mind, and it by no means is just easy or simply done. I am one who is the furthest from being a negative Nancy so it was really hard to realize this was an extreme negative view I was casting on myself, but it was just how I was “trained” to think about myself and things in my own personal life. Being healthy is not just what you’re eating, but what you’re thinking and saying, not just to others but yourself. Believe me you are listening to yourself more than you realize! One step to correct this is to purposely talk to yourself with positive things to say. “I forgive you.” “I forgive you for letting it come this far.” “You can do this.” “You are worth it.”
You’ll be amazed how much letting go of the guilt and blaming you have holding you down elevates you to become better (for the right reason) for yourself.
It’s no easy task to rewire the mind, and you will have many mess-ups and mistakes made. Forgiveness is key. Teaching yourself you’re worth it is key to getting yourself back on the horse that keeps moving forward with or without you, so wouldn’t you say it’s much better to keep moving forward on the horse?