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How Meditating Killed Me

AKA Don’t Meditate Without A Guide

I’m sure anyone who has heard of meditation has heard a story about somebody becoming so ungrounded that they lost all health and stability. Supposedly, finding yourself too high up in your chakras can detach you from your bodily needs and put you in a casket. I waved these exaggerations aside as I stepped into the world of meditation... that is until I found out for myself just how unexaggerated this scenario was.

When I first found myself in a houseless lifestyle, it was not on purpose, and I did NOT want it to happen. Regardless, I was wandering around the Massachusetts winter weather every day with my worn-out shoes.

At the peak of my discomfort I had a strange idea, and began to research ancient meditation techniques specifically-oriented in neglectingthe senses. I quickly learned how to disconnect myself from the feeling of the bitter cold as I walked around.

This is a story I can go a lot more in-depth with another time, but I’m saying this much to introduce my meditation lifestyle. I only used it as a tool to survive to begin with, but as I began to own my situation a lot more, and gradually became more fortunate (in other words winter ended), I also began to take my disciplinary routine a lot more seriously.

I started with using a guided meditation app, taking my daily meditations as far as 15 and 20 minutes per day. I didn’t have faith in my ability to sit still for long without the help of a British dude’s voice.

Eventually I became confident in my ability to relax, and I began traveling to secluded spots in nature by bodies of water to practice with more investment. I increased my meditation time to at least an hour every day, and I focused on individual chakras as I ascended my mental constructs. I focused heavily on my breath, and dug deep into my being with the cutlass of in-and exhalation. I became entranced by esoteric knowledge as I experienced the intense craving to know everything about everything. My thirst for self improvement expanded into a need to begin cross training. I invested in education for instructing yoga based in ancient Himalayan contemplation. I began practicing yoga and qigong daily, I switched to a vegan diet and eventually transitioned to raw vegan, I began fasting, I drowned myself in books and lectures, I taught myself astrophysics and calculus, I started selling crystals and making jewelry, I began several books, and I began physically training intensely. Everything sped up in my life regarding manifestation because of my intense subconscious analysis, and thorough inner exploration to my deepest peace.

Now what happened next... is my peace got too deep. I not only ascended my mental structures... I transcended them. I felt as if I had been ripped right out of my body, for although I maneuvered and spoke, I could only experience senses and sensation if I directed my attention towards it. One day I finished a water fast, and could not break it. I threw up everything I ate, and could not digest anymore. My need for food in my transcendent states had diminished to the point of non-existence, for my life had become a paradox, and I obliviously lost 70 pounds, and drunkenly lost consciousness in a kitchen, subsequently hitting my head after I had fallen like a plank dead, which startled my neurons into waking me back up, and then the shock of which took me back to sleep. I woke up AGAIN with my arms around paramedics as I vomited the last of my stomach bile onto the floor.

2 weeks before I passed out 😵 

Apparently in my extensive carelessness for how much I was eating, I was unable to retain any of my fluids and had lost almost all of my vitamins and minerals, and along with my condition of dehydration and concussion, I was told I was a day away from malnutrition.

So I guess you could say I got very severely grounded. God thought I was cheating or something.

Nowadays my meditation has purposely been eased. When I meditate I can access that transcended state anytime, regardless of how long I do so for, and when I walk about mindfully I am in a basic meditative state. I practice discipline with my body every day with no exception, and I do so with as absolute ego awareness as I do with my higher awareness. I have appointed people in my life to kick my ass if I don’t.

Please feel free to reach out to me if you ever feel like you are going through something similar! It needs to be stressed a bit more how important it is to have reassurance of the tangibility of reality. The higher the altitude becomes as you continue to balance on a pinpoint, the easier it becomes to fall over either side. My contact information is in my bio, don’t hesitate I’m happy to help!

Happy meditating ☺️☀️

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