A few years ago, I started a journal. We were about to move to America, and I wanted a way to document my journey to a different country. I remembered being excited, feeling that I would cherish it for the rest of my life.
For the first few months, I wrote, and wrote, and wrote. I wrote a few paragraphs a day, and I talked about my day, I started writing my thoughts, and I had a lot of fun with it. I recalled one of the things that I wrote about adventure:
"For me, adventure is throwing yourself in a different state of mind for you to learn something. It is a way to learn something that might be critical in your life. Adventure is also letting the moment take you somewhere, physically, mentally, or emotionally..."
Then, life became busy, and soon, less of my time was spent writing. I forgot how amazing it is. I would write in my journal from time to time, but it would only be about small stuff, I never talked about what I felt. From time to time, I would write about other stuff, like my thoughts and what I learned from situations, but it was rare for me to do that. Looking back, those were some of my favorite entries because it was clear that I learned something, and I grew as a person. One of the entries that I wrote was when I decided to write a secret letter to my friends:
"I do miss home. I miss the Philippines and I miss you guys. I miss all the activities that we do in school. I miss the warm and ambient feeling of being in a classroom all day with your friends. We don't do it like that here, so I have been struggling with making friends. I also kinda miss the cramming and stress that requirements bring. I miss the hustlin' and bustlin' we had in school because it has been lax here."
Last week, I encountered a major hurdle in my life that could have kept me from reaching my goals, and I felt very heavy the entire day. I found solace in writing, and I wrote for five minutes just to let my thoughts run wild. Here is the result:
"I feel scared. My heart feels heavy. Why is this happening?
We are always told that we should follow our dreams- to follow our hearts, that nothing is impossible if we just try. But what if I want to try, but no one wants me to? What if there is something that wants me to stay where I am, and keep me from getting what I want?
I am afraid. I’m afraid that everything that I have been working for would be wasted. I’m afraid that all of this would have no payback. Why would I even try if I know that nothing good would come out of it? Just because it is what should be done?
I don’t like this. I want to be in control of my life and to think that someone could be holding me back from what I want is just sad. I want it to happen. I want this to be like a fairytale ending- I would achieve my goal, I would be happy and I would be content with all the hard work that took to get me there, because it is what I deserved. But it seems like everyone wants to prevent me from reaching that. That’s not fair. Why is that?
Can I just get control back? I want this. I want my dreams to come to fruition. Nothing should hold me back from that. Nothing shall keep me from what I want."
From then on, I rediscovered my passion. I want to write. I want to create. I want to express my thoughts on paper, and I don't care if I'm the only one that can see them, or if I show it to everyone. I just want to write.
I guess the main point of this was to point out that sometimes, we forget the things that we love to do, and we put them behind stuff that makes us busy, like work, or relationships. Sometimes, we should go back to these things that help us relax- writing, walking, or anything that floats your boat. I'm in a better place now, and I hope that what you do will get you there as well.