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Been quiet for a while, lots going on in my head. I spend time rearranging thoughts and writing things out before I put it to paper. So here we go.
How do you describe the pain?
Humor gets me! I live in it. Like humor is a town with its own zip code. How does one survive living in constant pain? I go to humor town!
So when one lives in pain and is constantly bombarded with questions: "How are you feeling, why do you hurt so bad, what is it you have again(?)," and I have to explain myself over and over and over, you get to this point where most are never going to understand; they just cannot comprehend the idea that you live in a constant state of pain, so you stop to making them feel better and use humor.
Well, Susan, today I feel like the Storm Troopers are trying hit me but they keep missing. I mean, everyone knows they can't hit a "thing" with those E-11 blaster rifles, but I can feel the energy from that lasers whizzing by me just making my leg burn.
I am waiting for the next season of Game of Thrones, as I just know there is going to be an epic battle between the dragons. One spits ice, one spits fire, it's my life on the TV screen!!
I mean, how else do you describe pain? Today I took a shower and the water falling on me felt like a billion fire ants all trying to eat my leg all at once.
Oh dear, I have a huge issue...it's leg shaving season!! WHAT???? What ever will I do? I am not ready for this battle. I am not sure which is worse, shaving my legs or the wind blowing the hairs on my leg. Do I want to feel like the whole of the Persian Army is slicing my leg open as I try to remove the hair that most can't see anyways? (Blonde here, only see the hair in the sun.) Maybe if I scream, "I AM SPARTA!" first, that will help me get through this. But then we have the wind issue, lightning bolts of pain at every follicle. Even the slightest bit of wind sends me to the electric chair, WALKING THE MILE, WALKING THE GREEN MILE!
Let's go back to Star Wars. Listen, I have always wanted a lightsaber, always!! But damn it! I didn't want it to be my leg. I can feel it turn on. It starts in my pelvic area and zoom—down to my toes. All that is missing is the awesome sound effects! I think if my leg glowed that might be just about too much for some people. Oh hey, you packing a lightsaber, let me check that out. Um, no, sorry, that is just my RSD flare up in my leg. And the questions will begin again.
Hahaha! I just thought of another one! The leg lamp from A Christmas Story! It broke on accident, sure sure it did! “FRAGILE (FRA-GEE_LAY) it must be Italian!” (Line from A Christmas Story.) Yes, fragile is definitely a word that has not been used to describe the pain, but broke sure has been!
Do you watch Vikings? I do! Love the show and the battles are awesome, but the Blood Eagle is vicious! What a way to die; slow, painful, and messy. Sometimes I feel like someone is trying to carve my leg wide open, WIDE open, and leave it to be inundated with flies and worms. Then I die.
Humor, you say? Some of you will just not catch it. You will think I am sick in the head and tell me I need help. But honestly, how else does one describe pain? I have to explain myself and my condition to others and often to the same people many times a day/week. Most don't understand it hurts, like a razor, because they have been cut by a razor and have healed. So they cannot connect that this is a daily pain. Some people know what it is like to be electrocuted, but no idea what it is like to feel that pain shoot through you randomly most every day and night.
People, friends, family, and strangers have no idea how to connect the feeling of wind blowing across them and it actually causing pain. So how do I describe it? Shock and awe is where I go, and I find it funny that I can relate to feelings from something I have watched.
Let me tie you up in a chair in the most uncomfortable way. You cannot move away from the ache that is about to start. You know it is coming but you are helpless to it. Now let me add a feather and tickle you in places you cannot reach. You know it is coming and you know that it is going to become bothersome, but you are helpless to stop it! Wait, I am not done yet. Now I am going to dry shave your leg all while your feet rest on glass chips and marbles. Everyone knows dry shaving hurts and leaves razor burn, but you do not get water or lotion and potions to try and make it feel better. You also know that your feet are going to start to hurt because the weight of you is settling on that glass and marbles. Now I will let all the people in, those that love you, that you work(ed) with and complete strangers, they will ask you in 100 different ways what is wrong.
You are tied up and all this is happening to you and you are completely helpless to it. Will you cry? Will you scream out in frustration? Will you become angry at the next person who asks you how you are feeling? Are you having trouble describing the pain so that others can understand? Do you try and find other ways to describe said pain so that maybe, just maybe, one person will get it?
My RSD Life!
You get untied. I never will.
Now I am off to watch some Walking Dead. I wait for the zombie attacks, flesh being ripped from bone. Can you imagine what that feels like?
( I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.)