As little girls, some of us dream of getting married. Fairy tales don't help the situation. In fact, the girl who kissed the frog and turned him into a prince really should have done the opposite because it would have been more realistic. Sometimes, the prince that you marry ends up being a frog. Maybe not in the beginning and maybe not always, but at some point in your marriage, the man who you thought was perfect, is really just a frog. And he usually has a mother who is one step worse than a frog.
I am a mother of only sons. The writing is on the wall and now that I am 40 and even closer to becoming a mother in law, I have to tread lightly. Any girl they date is perfect and I am learning to smile and keep my mouth shut because today's crush may be someone's wife a few years from now. Once you say something about someone, you can never take it back. Life lesson. And not just when you are 40.
A son is a son until he takes a wife...
A fellow boy mom had written an article about her take on being a mom of boys and the "demands" she was going to make of her future daughters-in-law. Lady, I've got to tell you–you are in big trouble. Some of us have crappy mothers-in-law and great husbands. Some of us have great mothers-in-law and crappy husbands. Some of us have crappy both and some of us, a very few, select group, a group that is so few that it might be an urban myth... some of us have amazing mothers-in-law and amazing husbands (I would not be included in that category, but it would be nice).
The woman who wrote this article is in for a rude awakening because the bottom line is, our sons could be our best friends in the whole world and we love them more than anything... but lady, once they get married, the torch is passed and as soon as you learn that the better.
Wife before mother. I have said this many, many a time. If your son puts his wife first, everyone will be happy. If he can only call you once a week from a closet in the basement that is sound-proof, cherish the call and move on. Find a support group... take up drinking (unless, of course, you have already). If your daughter-in-law wants you to babysit at 5:30 in the morning, smile and say, "Yes, please, may I have another?" Because when you only have sons, that is the way it's got to be.
No daughters to fall back on and bitch to about the girl their brother married and where did you go wrong... blah blah blah. I know where I went wrong and when I meet these girls for the first time I will say, "I'm sorry, he doesn't know how to do anything, but I will cook and clean for you to make your life a little easier."
I'm sorry he doesn't do laundry, my bad.
Every mother thinks their son is a gem and perfect. Some of us need to be realistic. Don't get me wrong, they are perfect and they are gems, but only to us, their moms. To their wives they might be lazy, messy, smelly bastards who fart all the time and don't know what a laundry hamper is. So we, as mothers-in-law, need to ease the transition. To make our daughters-in-law aware that we know we weren't perfect moms. To help out in the most non-conspicuous manner possible (Please, take more of my jewelry... whatever you want, really, I want you to have it... all of it!!).
Our jobs, as the mothers of only sons, it to make our daughters-in-law feel that they are the queens and we are a distant, very, very, very distant second (Unless, of course, our sons have daughters and we are pushed even further back in the rankings...).
The woman who wrote that article needs to cherish the years she has with her boys, and then when they marry, put her ego away and take it as it comes. Because that is all we can do. No matter what age we are!