Holy Crap I'm 40: Boys Will Be Boys Edition

I love being a mom... even though I have no idea what I am doing. And my kids are totally on to me.

Just because you are older, doesn't mean that you are wiser. Especially when it comes to your children. Even more so if you are raising boys when you, yourself, are a girl. So here I am, a 40 year old, and it still amazes me that boys/men are able to aim, shoot and pee in a straight line... with nothing dripping from the actual stream. I find the science of that absolutely incredible. Especially since women are not designed to 'go' like that. And yet, I had to toilet train my three sons with no help from their father. I would put cheerios in the toilet and they enjoyed peeing on them. Target practice for two and a half year olds. Great fun for everyone.

Boys can shoot a puck across an entire gym and get it into a goal being guarded by a well padded goalie. Boys can throw a ball into a basket that is several feet above their heads. If this is the case,then why, oh, why, please tell me why they cannot pee into a large open bowl that is just inches away from their wee-wee?!?!(Wee-wees being the new technical and medical terms for their man parts.)


Cleaning toilets are my life

I am very grateful to the makers of Lysol wipes because I keep them in every bathroom and they are oh-so helpful in cleaning up the trails of pee that my boys leave me before they go off to school (or go anywhere, for that matter). A few weeks ago, my youngest had a casual sleep over party for four adorable friends. The morning after they left, I went into the guest bathroom and man-oh-man-the Lysol wipes were not going to cut it. I had to bring in the heavy duty spray and paper towels. Apparently, getting them drunk Friday night was not the best idea (kidding, only I got drunk. Kidding again). because there was "residue" on the wall, the floor, the radiator. I took a deep breath, went in, cleaned up and got out. And then I washed my hands for several minutes. Even though urine is sterile, it's still gross... (Even if it wasn't sterile... yuck, yuck, yuck!).

What I don't understand, and will probably never understand, is why their aim is so bad when it comes to matters of the bathroom. They try their best in sports-why can't peeing into a toilet be a competitive sport?

Next task–I handed son #2 a laundry bag and said, "Could you please put your laundry in this bag and bring it down to the laundry room?" I think maybe he thought I was telling him that he had leprosy or something because the look of horror that came over his face was indescribable. Did I just ask him to clean the gutters? Change the ever-dripping faucet? Carry me up the stairs?!?!?! NO–take down your freakin laundry!!!!!!

Then you can clean the gutters, change the ever-dripping faucet and carry me up the stairs... no, I am just kidding. The problem here is that when you spoil your kids, at any age, they just assume that they will never have to do anything. The only person I have to blame for this behavior is me. I have enabled my three adorable children to be just like their sometimes adorable father. If you don't ask for help, you won't get it. If you never ask for help, by the time you ask for it, it might be too late. So boys, please, Just pee in the toilet and help me out every once in a while. 

Their wives are going to hate me.

Banji Ganchrow
Banji Ganchrow

Self-proclaimed writer, masters in social work. Has driven 3 sons to 22 baseball stadiums. Hopes, because of this, they will never put her in a nursing home.

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Holy Crap I'm 40: Boys Will Be Boys Edition