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Currently, it is 12:56 AM. I have work at 6 AM, but of course that never stops me from going to bed a lot later than I should be. I'd like to blame my phone for keeping me up.. but in reality it's actually me who's to blame. But I wonder if there's a deeper reason as to why I am still awake. You see, I was scrolling through Instagram when I came across an AD for this website. The first thing I saw were the words "Submit your stories. Get paid." Which initially caught my attention, because honestly, getting paid to write? Who wouldn't be interested in that. But... I also found it to be rather ironic. Recently I have been contemplating a lot about writing to let my feelings out or maybe starting a blog. That could also be due to the fact that I have been binge watching "Awkward" on MTV and the main character has a blog and religiously writes what she's going through. Anyway, I can't help but to think about wether or not coming across that AD at the time I did was meant to happen or just a random coincidence. Today has been prolonged, it feels never ending. From the moment I woke up, I've been filled with anxiety. All day I've been trying to figure out how to calm down, and how to distract myself. Nothing has helped, not even a friends company, which usually is always the cure for when I'm feeling down or out of it. Then.. as I'm trying to relax I see an AD for this? I've written before to calm nerves but that was kind of a one time thing.. not something I followed through with, and to be completely honest I forgot how much it helps. I'm going through a weird time in my life. A strange transition period. It's time to grow up, and figure out who I'm meant to be and who's meant to be in my life. I often find myself overthinking, and feeling too many things at once; not having an outlet to let everything out. What's even more ironic is money is super important right now. I have to drop out of school due to "insufficient funds". I'm trying to support myself on my own, and it's honestly super hard. I don't even have a car which is now my first priority to save up money for. I suppose I should have thought about this whole process first, rather than jumping right into school. Looking back on it, I think that was more of pressured decision. I didn't want to be judged by others or looked down upon for "not going to college". But something I am realizing is that I need to make decisions based on me, no one else. In the end, I am all I have. So, as you can imagine my mind is constantly racing with what decisions are best for me and how to be sure I won't regret anything.. but that must be part of the process of growing as well. I mean, you do learn from your mistakes. Just recently, I broke up with someone who always knew how to calm me down when I felt like this. Truth be told, it's for the better (for both of us), but now that he's not there for me like that I have to find another way to relax. Writing helps a lot actually. I'm a strong believer in the idea that everything happens for a reason. I was certainly meant to come across this website. The universe is listening to me and my worries. I don't know what the future holds, but I'm ready to blindly trust it.