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It’s hard to admit that something is wrong with your body or even your mind. It took me a long time to admit that I had vaginismus. Reading about it online, prior to being officially diagnosed, was horrifying to say the least. I couldn’t comprehend how a trigger, that I couldn’t even discern, was causing my body to be in physical pain. I would think to myself, “How is this a real thing and how can it possibly be fixed?”
Unfortunately, because of my fears of telling others and them seeing me as abnormal, I kept it a secret for so long and just felt lost and hopeless. I wept at the realization that I couldn’t do something that everyone around me was enjoying. I felt alone, not only because I didn’t know anyone around me who suffered from the same condition, but also because I couldn’t express the pain that I was going through. It wasn’t until my therapist helped me to come to terms with this emotional struggle that I finally sought out real medical attention.
I know that there are many women out there who are also struggling to admit that they have vaginismus. I completely understand and I can truly sympathize. It’s extremely difficult to admit that you can’t have sex. However, I promise, that once you talk to someone about it and seek medical help, you will feel relief. I know you might be thinking, “Well, once I talk to a doctor, what can they actually do for me? How long will I have this? Will I ever be able to have sex?”
The answer is yes; you will be able to have sex again. The journey for vaginismus varies for everyone. What might take years for one woman, might only be months for another. Treatments for vaginismus vary for each woman as well. One treatment might work for Jane, but that same one might not work for Ann. Ann must then talk to her doctor or research another treatment.
Just because something doesn’t work out for you doesn’t mean that you should give up hope. I lost hope when I was turned away by countless doctors and gynecologists. I lost hope when every treatment I knew of at the time failed to work on me. I lost hope for almost a year until I started this blog. Now, as I’m reaching out to others and acquiring connections with women, who struggle with this condition and who have overcome it, I feel that there is hope after all.
Some of you might even avoid going to an examination because you are terrified of the pain. I totally get that. I hate going to examinations because I become anxious, tense and cry without even realizing it. One time, my heart rate was so high during an examination, that they had me perform breathing exercises right there on the examination table. More than one nurse always has to be present in the room because I can’t stop shaking due to the pain. Sometimes, they will even have a nurse hold my hand and talk to me while the examination is occurring. It does make me feel abnormal, but in all reality, it truly shouldn’t. This is just who I am at the moment, but I will continue to be strong and persevere.
Despite the anxiety you might feel entering the doctor’s office, it is important to go see one, especially if you aren’t sure that you have the condition. Finding out what is going on with your body will allow the doctor to help you as best as they can.
What I’m trying to say is that you shouldn’t be scared to seek help. We all need a little help sometimes, and finding support for vaginismus is a crucial step to overcoming it. Don’t worry about what people might think of you or what society is telling you. They don’t matter anyway. Instead, focus on you. Focus on relaxing and helping yourself conquer this condition that I bet many people wouldn’t even be able to deal with. You are enough and you are stronger than you think.