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Death by Kraft Pasta

I'm a gross Human.

The Rules:

  • Eat regularly. 
    • Eating five or six meals smaller meals per day when you are underweight can be more manageable compared to the standard three. This is because you typically feel full faster than a person at a healthy weight.
  • Don’t drink before meals. 
    • Fluids before meals can affect your appetite. Try limiting drinking until 30 minutes after you’ve eaten.
  • Add nutritious drinks to your diet. 
    • Avoid soft drinks and caffeine-heavy coffee that adds little nutritional value to your diet. Try milk, fruit juices, healthy shakes, and fruit smoothies instead. The will help increase the energy in your diet and also add important nutrients for your health too.
  • Eat nutritious foods. 
    • When underweight, sticking to a healthy diet can help you safely gain weight. Choose fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, whole grain cereals, bread and pasta, lean meats and dairy products.
  • Snack healthy. 
    • Snacking on avocados, nuts, cheese, peanut butter, or dried fruits between mealtimes can be a good way to gain weight.
  • Treat yourself. 
    • Even when underweight it’s fine to have an unhealthy treat every now and then. But be mindful of excess fat and sugar—try to keep most treats nutritious and healthy.
  • Work out. 
    • Strength training (building muscle) can help you gain weight. Exercise may also help you get your appetite back.

I commend anyone who does this and actually sticks with it. Honest. It amazes me that anyone could follow all these rules with not wanting to kill themselves. Reading "The Rules" doesn't look too bad, it seems decent, and that if you just follow it for a couple months you'll see that beautiful beach body you have always wanted. Countless times have I searched the same thing "how to lose weight," "best foods to eat for fat loss" and where has it gotten me?

I have tried diet after diet. Every fad, trend, plan—and now I'm the HEAVIEST I have ever been. Am I alone? No, of course not. There are millions of females and males struggling with that same problem

I hate this. I can feel my fat on my neck shake when I talk. I can feel my stomach bounce when I walk upstairs. When I put my bra on, my fat rolls get on my back make me look like the dough boy. 

I don't know how you health people do it, getting up at 5 AM and starving yourself or just eating those gross green smoothies with kale and spinach. I don't understand how you can just give up the wonderful taste of cheese and sauce, a nice bowl of pasta—it's warm and just makes people's belly happy. I love food. Hate being fat. I enjoy exercise but the amount of food I guess I intake on a daily basis—it doesn't matter if I work out or not.

Looking at myself makes me depressed. Knowing that my health might be an issue is scary. I can't help myself. I don't drink, I don't do drugs. Food is my drug. It's my heroin. When I'm sad I eat, when I'm happy I eat, when I'm bored, stressed out I eat. It gives me comfort. My brain—a little voice in my head tells me that it's fine, it's only one cookie, one more chip, one more slice of pizza, and it won't kill me. I should have it. I can't stop. I find myself going into the kitchen and not leaving until I completely hate myself and my stomach is about to implode

Once I had just gotten back from work. It wasn't that late, maybe 9 o'clock. My family was in the TV room and had just finished dinner. My mom had made extra food thinking there were going to be more people home for dinner so as I walked into the kitchen, a full box of Mac and cheese is made in a bowl calling at me, staring me in the facescreaming at me to eat it. I wasn't hungry. I had eaten that day. I was actually pretty full from the food I had at work. 

I drop everything and go straight for it. I grab a spoon and eat the entire bowl like a monster, shoveling spoonfuls of pasta in my fat face. In my head I kept saying to myself, "Okay, at 9:10 I'll stop eating." I look up and it's 9:12 and I don't stop. I tell myself, "Okay, well I missed 9:10, can't stop now." That's over 600 calories in one sitting of cheesy kraft pasta that I wasn't even hungry for. I can just imagine how I looked, hunched over the stove eating like a dog. At one point I even started to choke because of them the amount of pasta I was eating, yet that didn't slow me down in the slightest. 

I'm now hungry.

God, I need help.  

This might kill me. 

It will kill me. 

Death by kraft pasta. 

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