Seventeen is an interesting age.
You're not freshly a true teenager, but you're also not a legal adult.
You're senior, but you're not in college yet to do fun college things. You are self-righteous and self-loathing. You have an opinion, but no one cares about it besides the people in your tiny tiny bubble. Maybe. Your world is also *this* big, but you think it's T H I S B I G .
Also, everything is a really big deal. It's now or never. Ride or die. Once or never again. Crazy kind of.
Being 17 also means that you want to experiment with anything and everything, but you also can't drive people around...ironic right?
You compare your life to the person next to you, who compares their life to the people next to them, who compares their life to the person next to them…and the cycle just keeps going around and around.
You're also on your last years of growing and just when you thought you weren't going to change, you do. And it sucks. you have to buy all new clothes again because the stuff from 15-year-old you doesn't fit anymore. The other side of that is that you thought you would outgrow your 5 foot 5-ness but you don't. You just don't. And you're sad because you thought that you would at least be 5 foot 9 or something. But you're not...and all of your dreams of being a model, crumble.
You're also on the *verge* of being an adult, but your mentality is still that of a 13-year-old.
Being 17 also means that people expect a lot out of you and think that you should have your life together already, but in reality, you don't and they shouldn't be judging you because that would be hypocritical of them.
No one ever figures anything out immediately. Ever. Being 17 means that your entire being is one big contradiction. Being 17 can suck my ass.
But, the flip side of being 17 is that you're on the *verge* of everything. And it's terrifying and annoying 99.9999% of the time but it's also kind of cool to look back and see how far you've come.
If you think about it, you're moments away from being 18—a true adult! You're moving out. Packing your bags. Going to college. Hopefully going on some trips to celebrate how far you've come before you have to go back to work and school and life. Maybe you hang with your friends here and there because now you can drive—which is pretty cool. You might be earning some money here and there because you might have a job. Or maybe you're just enjoying life and living for the weekends before you have to start life—like, for real this time (because anything before 18 doesn't count, right??). I don't know, I never thought I would make it this far. I didn't even know that I would graduate because senioritis got the best of me.
But here I am, surrounded by my 17x14 room all packed into 6 large boxes. Boxes that are to be moved out of my room, into a truck, and going 500 miles away to a new apartment that I'm living in with a new job, new school, and new people...all within a matter of weeks. The change is very crass, and it seems like it's come on too quick—but it's also kind of cool when you think about it :)
So to anyone—young or old—reading this, age is funny.
You have to go through it—the good and the bad—because it teaches you things. Every age teaches you things. I think I've learned more in this past year than at any other time in my life.
I feel prepared for adulthood. Adulthood can't fuck with me now because I know that I've got this.
So thank you 17—for all the memories. The lessons. But you can also go suck my ass 17. You've been one...
18 here I come.