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Getting over my fears
I am a 23-year-old female who is afraid of writing and reading. I am horrible at spelling and my thoughts to page get a little lost in translation. But here's all about fighting fears and being dyslexic!
I have gone for testing most of my life (since age 6); most of the time I would go because my mother told me, I did not think much of it. She probably told me why, but I did not fully understand it.
So here is the entry of what its like to be dyslexic:
I remember being 8 years old, staying for extra lessons after school, learning to spell "bed" with my hand to learn my B's and D's (I still use it to this day). At this time I was oblivious to what was happening and did what I was told.
A few years passed and 10-year-little-old-me gets frustrated with why I can't spell, or 'fail' in languages and battle more than others with 'simple' tasks. I was sent out of class to finish a geography test. I remember it being autumn/winter, sitting outside on the cold floor trying to fill in the answers. I get rather upset (a little angry because I can't remember and feel useless, another test I fail).
Skip a few years to 13-year-old me, sitting next to the sweetest guy in English. He would always be supportive and never judge me; he helped me survive English. Sadly we don't keep in contact, but I follow his life on social media and can see he is doing well.
Getting pulled out of class was a regular occasion for me. I would go to a one-on-one English lesson. She was so lovely and had so much patience for me. I improved and it was looking up for me, I wasn't struggling as much. I still hold guilt for the price of how much finances my mother had to pay for my 'disability.'
So, moving into high school, I started taking tablets to help me concentrate, which I have to say helped. The side effects? Well, they didn't seem to bother me after a while. I had dry mouth, insomnia, and wasn't hungry most of the time. I would eat half my lunch as I packed a mean lunch (fruit, rolls with chicken mayo, sweet treat, juice box), but gave half of it away as I was unable to eat it all. But the struggle was, some days I would eat and never be full; it was a struggle.
I wouldn't have done it any other way, as high school taught me work ethic. You have to work hard to get what you want. My marks could have been better if I just put a little more time into them, but I passed and I was an athlete (I was more into my sports and art).
So, my art story; I never pictured myself being artsy, but the positivity of being dyslexic is it helps you with being creative. Woohoo! "Got to enjoy the little things." My art teacher encouraged me to be very out there with my artwork, which she and I had fun with. (Painting on bubbles with food colouring and then transferring it to paper! One of my favourite artworks.)
University: well, I did not think I would make it into a university, but I did and I studied Interior Design. Three years of sleepless nights, tears, and unconditional love from my mother. My marks improved every year, but I did fail one subject, which I had to retake in second year on top of all my other subjects.
In university we had essays, and maybe from my writing you can see it's not the best, but it's OK. I had to learn to swallow my pride and stubbornness and ask my mother for help in my work (which I never really did throughout my life). I learnt to accept that she was there to help and love me. I would get very defensive when she would want to help me and upset with her trying to change my work; I got angry when she helped as I had built up a wall. Slowly but surely I am breaking them down. Being dyslexic will not hold me down!
To present day, I work as a Junior Interior Designer (still got a few months on my probation period). I still have the daily struggles at work such as emails, and oh, my favourite is sometimes the names of companies—that's a struggle. One thing I made sure of was that I would not let being dyslexic hold me back from my dreams.
Oh, one last thing I struggle with is menus. I hate ordering! I get stage fright when the waiter comes and everyone looks at me, and now I have to tell the waiter what I want... Yes, one day I will laugh, but I hope it made you smile.